I lost my bag during rathyatra. It contained some important keys. The feeling of being irresponsible and neglectful caught up my mind. While coming back in van, enthusiastic kirtan was going on but the mistake committed earlier made me cold and indifferent to the chanting. My mind started searching for instances where I had acted wrongly and this whole incident brought up so much guilt and pushed my mind towards pessimism. The thoughts of being so incompetent in terms of integrity and maturity after years of practice were eating me up. I wanted to celebrate my sadness for feeling sufficient guilt so I was denying myself to relish the sweet mellows of Kirtan.Many times it happens that our mistakes cause us so much guilt that they tend to distract us from spiritual practices and the joy of spiritual life appears mismatch to the personal mood at such times.
Can spiritual happiness cause disturbance in ones reformation program?
I was contemplating how should one tackle the situation? Krishna inspired me some insights for my questions which I have posted below
Gratitude enables rectification
The spiritualist finds himself happy for the opportunity to be connected with God, but he same times feels complete dissatisfaction for not being able to reciprocate with mercy bestowed upon him.
The guilt of being incompetent to reciprocate coupled with grateful attitude for whatever fortune granted upon him pushes him towards correction than giving up the process. For Bhaktiyogi even guilt fuels the feelings of more gratitude since he feels himself completely unqualified for fortune he is receiving although being plagued with so many faults. The burden of gratitude makes person think "Oh I must rectify myself, I am so fortunate that I have been a given chance, I must reciprocate"
The spiritual life is meant for pleasure of Krishna
The bhaktiyoga by definition is selfless service of Krishna uninterruptedly. So when devotee feels sad about the mistakes, he does not allows his sadness spill over pleasure of Krishna. By engaging attentively in limbs of devotional service for the pleasure of the Lord and prayers of purification in the mood of repentance, one finds stability and it helps to come out of guilt and get purified of the wrong tendencies.
Self Centric Guilt Produces Only Pessimism but no Solution
It is nature of mind to enjoy emotions pleasure and pain both in equal proportions. So the guilt feelings without corrective measure only result in more guilt and more mistakes in turn. It does not help person to come out of this vicious cycle. One finds himself lonely sulking inside and searching out external reasons for the misfortune to come upon himself. But when guilt is used not to pamper mind for enjoying negative emotions but drag mind towards positive solutions for purification, it helps in long term.
We find example of
