The Killer Smile

Now-a-days, I find myself increasingly cautious sending emails or pinging my friends on chat messengers. This is not because I’m worried about privacy or security, but the dangers of misinterpretation. Occasionally, I’ve messed up my relationship with others because of reckless choice of words and inconsiderate presentation thoughts. Written communication is considered to be a serious form of communication. It’s archived, allowing us to revisit it in the future. But it’s limited, since it lacks the aid of one’s body language. Small grammatical or spelling mistakes can altogether change the meaning of sentences. And clarification of the written things may not be asked or available immediately. In the history of Peshava kings in India, a lady, Anandibai, reworded the letter of Raghunathrao, initially bearing the words ‘Narayanrao la dharave’ (meaning ‘capture Narayanrao’) to ‘Narayanrao la marave’ (meaning ‘kill Narayanrao’). This led to the death of Narayanrao. By this, one can understand the gravity of the written communication.

The use of the emoticons and smileys over the internet has really made it possible to incorporate feelings or mood in a few key strokes. They are extremely popular and are literally everywhere. You just can't avoid them. Instructions or critique with a smiley conveys it in a much lighter note, which could have otherwise risked feelings of provocation, enmity or worry. Someone appropriately said “A smile confuses an approaching frown”. You may want somebody to act in a certain manner, but don’t want to push it on him/her. Or you may be unsure about authenticity of what you say or you may want to tell, and at the same time hide, just add a smiley and it’s all right. (These are all the reasons where I used or received smileys in my chat history.) A famous comedienne Phyllis Diller once said “A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.”

On reflecting further I found, in our lives too, there are lot of difficulties, uncertainties and ups and downs, which can make us completely hopeless or pessimistic. But the Lord has a unique plan for each one of us. When in my life I came across such things and went to Lord to complain or to get a justification, I was disarmed by the sweet smile of Lord, which made problems seeming so tough to endure like trifle which could be easily overcome. I got a feeling as if he knows everything (which he does anyways!), and is orchestrating the things to just pull me closer to him. The mild smile on the face of the lord not only is drop dead gorgeous to attract ones heart but it kill’s inner demon of anxiety too. I got a new ray of hope and understanding that Lord is eternal, I am eternal, the relationship between us is eternal and nothing of this world is matters beyond it, which allowed me to be equally serious in rediscovering and cultivating my relationship with him in troubling times too. 

And Srila Prabhupada confirms in Srimad Bhagavatam 3.28.32.

“The entire universe is full of miseries, and therefore the inhabitants of this material universe are always shedding tears out of intense grief. There is a great ocean of water made from such tears, but for one who surrenders unto the Supreme Personality of Godhead, the ocean of tears is at once dried up. One need only see the charming smile of the Supreme Lord. In other words, the bereavement of material existence immediately subsides when one sees the charming smile of the Lord.”

Putting my own experiences in a small composition...

I stagger and fall

I halt and crawl

With my wicked nature

Often I lose a brawl

It seems so difficult,

A losing chase,

High ideals of devotional service

How do I embrace?

In such a state,

I stand on a bifurcated road,

One side, your smiling face,

On other side, glimmer of Maya’s abode.

But I try to remember words, my masters have told,

Hidden behind your smiles are treasures of bliss untold

And the glimmer of Maya what unfolds,

Is an ugly reality and relations are so cold.

With some faith I aspire to take

Few more steps,

To be closer to you

To be your pet, to be your mate.

May my mind dwell in courtyards of the Siddha Bakula tree!

Siddha Bakula Tree

I have been thinking of writing this post since long. It's about a place/tree – Siddha Bakula in Puri, Orissa – which, I was longing to visit ever since I came to know about it. But when we visited Jagannath Puri, in June last year, I made it a point to visit Siddha Bakula, along with my friend Premanand. Actually, it was the last day of our yatra excursion in Puri. It was about noon, and we were hungry. But, going for lunch meant not being able to spend much time at Siddha Bakula. As I had been struggling with my chanting for last few weeks, I was in urgent need of some inspiration; a place, where I could contemplate and pray, to improve in quality of my chanting in times to come. Depending on Krishna for our lunch, we eventually decide to go there.

Brief History of Siddha Bakula: Siddha Bakula is the bhajana-kutir of Haridasa Thakur, where he daily chanted 3,00,000 names of Krishna (Practically more than 20 hours a day). Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu requested Haridasa, "Remain here and chant the Hare Krishna maha-mantra. I shall come here daily to personally meet you. Remain here peacefully, and look at the Chakra on top of Lord Jagannath's temple and offer obeisances. As far as your prasadam, I shall arrange to have that sent here." In order to provide shade for Thakur Haridasa, Sri Chaitanya planted a teeth cleaning twig, used by Lord Jagannath. All of a sudden, it grew up and appeared as a great shade tree. Rupa Gosvami recited ‘Lalitha Madhava’ and ‘Vidagdha Madhava’ under this tree to Sri Gauranga and his followers. Sanatana Gosvami, during his stay in Puri, lived here with Haridasa Thukur. This is where Haridasa Thakur left his body here and Lord Chaitanya danced in ecstasy holding in his hands his sacred body.

In due course of time, to construct Lord Jagannath's Rathayatra cart, the ruling Gajapati Maharaja of that time, ordered his officers to cut down this tree. The next morning, the royal officers found the tree hollow and thus returned without cutting it. The main branch of the tree is petrified (became like a stone), to the touch. This is the part that was transformed, so the king would not take it.

                                                                                                    

Importance of visiting Holy Places: In this age of Kaliyuga, in all major religions of the world, chanting of Lord's holy names is practiced as the very essence of spiritual life. The process of chanting purifies one’s heart and evokes experiences of ecstatic feelings of devotion in his relationship with the Lord in his perfected stage of chanting. The holy names, when chanted purely, have spiritual potency beyond the jurisdiction of material factors of time, place and circumstances. Similar spiritual potencies are also invested in certain places, on account of residence of Lord himself or that of spiritually perfected souls. And to access that spiritual potency and store it in the core of hearts (to access it later, in times of our need), is the main purpose of going to such holy places.

Our Visit & A beggar’s appeal: Hence, we were determined to access the mercy available at Siddha Bakula. Along with Premanand, I chanted there for a few hours. Being in the extremely spiritual potent place paid off. We found ourselves deeply absorbed in the sound vibration of the Holy Names, which doesn't otherwise happen so easily. Our intense prayers to Srila Haridas Thakur were to bestow his mercy upon us, to be able to relish the nectar exuding from the chanting of the holy names, to develop taste for chanting. We also got special Mahaprasadam of the presiding deities at that place :-) to fill our empty bellies.

Srila Haridas Thakur

Thereafter, whenever vicious thoughts distract me during chanting, I try to think of Siddha Bakula and Haridas Thakur. In remembrance of them, I feel, just as a pauper proud of his shack may feel on visiting a billionaire’s mansion –completely humbled! I realize how insignificant and tiny is my desire to chant the holy name attentively and purely. In such a mood, the begging for mercy becomes very easy. I heard HH Radhanath Swami saying in one of his lectures, “We have to beg to Krishna while chanting every mantra. We have to pray – I don't have any taste in chanting; please give me taste. We have to beg to get taste in chanting.” Haridas Thakur was most affluent person in terms of taste for chanting the holy names. Lord Chaitanya named him as "Namacharya", which means, "Acharya of the holynames". I pray to him and it works beyond imagination; since, in spiritual life, remembrance itself carries the same spiritual potency as that of the object of remembrance. Undulating waves of thought in my mind get settled and I get strength and desire for chanting. Because of this, of the various places that I have visited, Siddha Bakula has a special corner in my heart!

I pray to get constant remembrance of Siddha Bakula and Haridas Thakur.

May my mind dwell,

In courtyards of Siddha Bakula tree.

Get intoxicated, chanting holy names,

Relish transcendental drinking spree.

May I pass time,

Chanting and hearing Nama, lost in serenity.

May I sing, dance and swoon,

Oblivious to world. Let them call it absurdity.

May my heart, become clean and pure,

Contamination accumulated may disappear.

May I serve the Lord, Srila Prabhupad,

And his mission, dedicated and sincere.

May I get the mercy of

Thakur Haridas... one fine day.

And Hare Krishna Nami, Jagannath Swami,

Nayan Patha Gami Bhavatu me.

(May Lord Jagannath be the object of my vision)

Kaun Banega Arjuna?

 Last month, a major gang-rape–cum-assault incident in the nation’s capital instigated a huge uproar throughout the nation. The victim, eventually, succumbed to her injuries on December 29, after struggling for 13 days.

Srimad Bhagavatam explains that amongst the four pillars of religion – truthfulness, austerity, cleanliness and mercy – the last three are already extinct in this age of Kali-Yuga. Only the principle of truthfulness continues to survive in some tiny proportion; though, even that is on a gradual decline. This fact was highlighted in this recent incident, when our society could not tolerate such a gross violation of law and order of country of India, which brags "Satyameva Jayate" (Truth Alone Prevails) as its national motto.  When a woman, Draupadi, was forced to strip off her clothes, Lord Krishna felt the necessity to wage a war. And the famous Mahabharata war ensued. Unfortunately, in the same India,  24,206 rape cases were reported in 2011 (what to speak of unreported cases!). Although the public is demanding stronger laws to prevent such acts, this will only result in a superficial treatment of such problems, unless the root cause of the problem – our polluted hearts – are treated. Such incidents like rape are just an external manifestation of our internal disease of boiling lust. In fact, we see striking similarities between the setting scene of the Mahabharata war and the current scene of world, which calls for a Mahabharata-like war to be fought against the enemy of lust.

In the Mahabharata war, the Kauravas were the antagonists, representing irreligion; while, the Pandavas were the protagonists, battling to uphold the righteous principles. In the modern setting, the enemy is the lower nature of one’s own self; and battling with it is a higher nature, which wants to abide by righteous principles.

Before the war, it was the unholy counseling of people like Shakuni and Kaliraj, which prompted Duryodhana and his associates to go to extent of attempting to strip off Draupadi. Similarly, in the modern setting, the media, cinema and TV offer the unholy counseling by facilitating widespread propaganda of ideas like free sex, hedonism, consumerism, etc.

It was Dhritarashtra, whose duty was to restrain the Kauravas and guide them on the right path. On account of selfish interests, however, he failed to do so. At the same time, wise people like Bhisma and Dronacharya kept mum against the atrocities of Duryodhana and his associates, which gave way for the evil deeds of Duryodhana to thrive without any guilt. Similarly, the modern governors, who are supposed to restrain the unholy forces, have failed to do so, because of their own political and selfish interests. At the same time, a handful of wise people, who have the right knowledge and are free from personal interests, have shut their mouths to bury themselves safely in their comfort zones.

Just like Arjuna – the hero of the Mahabharata war – was bewildered and unwilling to fight in the war against his own kith and kin, because of his intense attachment with them; similarly, the common man, who is in the same situation as Arjuna, due to excessive attachment, is unwilling to fight in the war against the enemy of one’s lower nature, which precipitates in the form of lust and greed in one’s heart.

Just as Krishna – the Lord and universal guru – made Himself available to both parties; but, it was the Pandavas, who took His help and emerged victorious. Similarly, it is the spiritual master, who is coming in the same line of succession from the Lord, in the parampara system, and who is as good as the Lord, making himself available to everyone out of his mercy; but, there are very few people willing to benefit from him.

In the battle of Mahabharata, Lord Krishna, who was the incarnation for that age, instructed Arjuna to fight. And when Arjuna was hesitant about success, Krishna assured Arjuna that he will be victorious just by becoming an instrument. Similarly, Lord Chaitanya Mahaprabhu, who is yugavatar for this age, instructed to fight against one’s lower nature and help others in doing so. He proclaimed,

bhärata-bhümite haila manuñya-janma yära

janma särthaka kari' kara para-upakära

It translates as “One who has taken his birth as a human being in the land of India [Bhärata-varña] should make his life successful and work for the benefit of all other people." Lord Chaitanya also assures of the success –

prithivite ache jato nagaradi gram,

sarvatra prachara hoibe mora nam

which means, Lord's holy name will be chanted in the nook and corners of this world. Since Lord is the personification of religion and His names are non-different from Him, this statement of the Lord assures victory of righteousness in the battle against evil. Few people might have longed (At least in fantasy) to be in the position of Arjuna, as in the historic battle of Mahabharata, directly carrying out the instructions of the Lord in the middle of a raging war. The same opportunity is as well available to each one of us, to be like Arjuna, with help from the Lord and His bonafide representatives, to wage the war against the enemies in our own heart and help others. And one cannot escape this battle. If he takes the side of the Lord, emulating Arjuna, his higher nature wins the battle; otherwise, one obviously falls prey to the lower nature emulating Duryodhana.

So, are you ready to be the Arjuna?

A tribute to my mother, Mrs. Kiran Mundada

My mother passed away on 10th of this month, on the auspicious day of Ekadashi, in presence of sincere devotees chanting around, along with my mother's favorite Srila Prabhupad Hare Krishna tune. She had just reached age of 48. She had a colon cancer, detected a year ago.

As my spiritual teachers have taught to me to be grateful. I take an honor to write about my mother who has done unlimited favor on me with giving me birth in this rare human form of life and loving and caring me to her highest extent. To write about her I will go from the present to past.

Two days before she left, Dr. Tulasi (devotee doctor, specialist of palliative care) had come to see her. She asked her about what she would like to say about me. My mother said "We have given this boy to you".
She didn't know these seven simple words are going to inspire me and echo in my ears in all difficult times going to come ahead. I was her biggest attachment and I knew she will never say this. But finally she said it. She had only seen my bad example of devotee before she saw some good examples of Bhaktivedanta Hospital doctors.I couldn't visit home frequently because of job pressure, other many engagements and my dealings at home were not that ideal or responsible. In the end, I am so grateful to her for this charity.
   

My mother while leaving her body

         She had asked me "Whether they will allow me to die in Bhaktivedanta?", just a week before she left her body. I had shown her a video of Bhaktivedanta Hospital and prayed sincerely, 'if she has to leave the body, let it be in the Bhaktivedanta Hospital, which is abode of Lord Jagannath and so many pure souls have sanctified  it with the dust of their lotus feet'. So many devotees were praying for her! All the prayers came true.

       A month ago was Diwali. And my mother was bedridden almost for a week.And she had belly bloated with liters of accumulated ascitic fluid which characteristic of advanced stage of stomach cancer. She would hardly get up.
But she got up on the day of Diwali in the unbeaten spirit of a fighter,as it was difficult for her to refrain from the Diwali Puja ceremony as a dutiful lady. She wore a fresh saree, bangles on her wrists, which had got very skinny because of cancer,and she decorated her with other auspicious articles characteristics of married lady. She performed all rituals and worship that day. I was again inspired, and with moist eyes I uttered in heart, "Bravo!".

Later I requested her to chant, which was difficult for her. She said, she chanted Vishnu Sahastranama in Marathi in morning and meditated on the beautiful form of the Lord mentioned in it. She sang it for me again. As her implanted teeth had become loose so she was stammering like a small child. It was very sweet.

Ever since her cancer was detected and even before that, I was so busy in so many other things, I had not been able to actually look after her very well. The best I could do was to beg as many devotees as possible to pray for her. The day I came to know she had a cancer, it was a great shock for me. I tried hard but I could not stop my tears. I had heard of intolerable pains of cancer and seen few patients.When I heard, the word 'Cancer', first time for somebody so close only resounded as death. It was a total nightmare even I had known the philosophy of Bhagavat Gita, the eternalness of soul etc. and also had taught to so many. She had a very soft heart and skinny body. I was worried, how am I going to see her suffer both physically and mentally. And it was unthinkable of loosing her loving shelter. but her reply was,"Someday anyways we have to die, now or later." She was undisturbed.
       
Much before the cancer was detected when I was in Mumbai, our cook had taken long leave since he was suffering from jaundice. We were cooking lunch and breakfast for lot of people with the assistance of some other friends, along with my job and other preaching engagement. Initially, it went well in enthusiasm. But after few weeks I started frantically praying for cook's return. I was feeling very difficult thing to do but it reminded me of my mother.So many years, month after month, day after day she had served in the joint family. And I don't remember of not getting a lunchbox or not having fresh washed clothes for any single day. She had served her family uninterruptedly withstanding all the personal difficulties. And I never heard any complaints about it from her. I was wondering for years, why my mother would always or at least many times shed tears talking to me on phone?  I got reason, when I would cook and somebody won't get it because of being late, I would feel very bad. In this incident I could understand at least a fraction of heart of a mother.

She was a very chaste lady and supported my father through all thick and thins.My father had his faults and his decisions might not be perfect in everything. But my mother followed him like a shadow, overlooking everything else.And as Srila Prabhupad says, "A submissive wife wins the heart of her husband", my father took care of her day and night during her disease. It gave me inspiration that there might be some problems or faults in an authority but as a chaste lady doesn't disobey  her husband, I should also just stick to service and connection made with parampara in spite of anything else.

When I was in school, one of our neighbors committed suicide. For the first time, I saw a dead-body of a young man so closely. I was shocked! It gave me an impression that my parents may leave me anytime. I was extremely afraid. I would chant for hours names of different demigods and God that I want to die before my parents. I would be counting on names on fingers. I never told this to anybody. later it became too much and I could not continue. But I was very attached to my parents, and especially my mother for her love. And as a child I never wanted to be separated from them.

My mother taught us to embrace high ideals in life. The example she set by her own devotion and the prayers she taught us in childhood, are still basis of my devotional service. Her apparent opposition to certain aspects of my devotional service was because of her love for me, she didn't want to hear criticism about me for those aspects.

When I was leading a funeral march of my mother as only son, I was thinking in my heart what should I give her or what would please her. It revealed in my heart that if I just become humble servant, live a simple life with a simple heart and follow words of Gurudev, then she would be most happy from the sky above or wherever she might be. By this, I can give actual benefit of being a son, if she needs at all.
I am greatly thankful to my mother for everything she had given me.

At the end, following is humble prayer at the lotus feet of the Lord on behalf of me and my family,

Forlorn we are Krishna, to us You please accept
and my mom's eternal soul, I pray, You please embrace.
The love, kindness, care You gave us by giving our mother,
I pray, give same to her, showering Your eternal grace

I pray, I think of You,
as she always thought of me,
I pray, I love You,
as she loved me.

I pray, I see You,
as with full of love, she saw me.
I pray, I accept You,
as in any form she accepted me

I pray, I brim my eyes for You,
as in separation she brimmed her eyes for me.
I pray I strive to please You,
as she strove to please me.

In loving You,
I pray, I send love to her.
and I send my gratitude
as You become the conveyor.

Oh' dear Lord, You are as known
most kind to Your devotees.
to love You freely without any obstacles,
I pray, You grant her this liberty.

In Your love and service when we are engaged,
there is no separation.
I pray, to love and serve You,
You kindly grant my mom & us pure devotion.